I'm sitting in my office for my office hours, having drunk a gallon of water in the past 12 minutes.
12 minutes ago, I realized I hadn't had any water to drink today, so I downed my 32 oz. Nalgene bottle in one tilt. Then I got the bright idea of seeing if I could drink a gallon of water in 30 minutes, which has been mentioned as a physical challenge to me (a variant of the more popular challenge of downing a gallon of milk in a half an hour). So I gulped down three more bottles of water in the next 10 minutes. I don't feel awful, as compared to the time I ate 96 pieces of sushi in an hour, which I take to be a sign that I won't suffer an ignominious end due to
water intoxication. Perhaps I should help myself to a salty snack. Should I suffer any ill effects, I will blame my students for not coming to office hours.